How to Fight, Right!

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Squaring off against your partner or friend is never fun, but how you handle the situation can actually speak volumes about your relationship. I have a temper.  There, I said it.  After a large number of what some may categorize as “explosive” fights, I have learned how valuable communication is.  It is hard. So here are some tips I’ve learned that to help me put on my hard hat and get to work.

  1. Take the time you need to calm down in order to have a civilized conversation. Breathing room is ok – just make sure you are both agree to that.
  2. If possible, have a conversation in person – texts and even phone calls can’t take the place of physical connection.
  3. Keep a close eye on your WBT (Words, body language and tone) – HOW you say something is just as important as WHAT you say.
  4. Leave accusations at the door – the blame game doesn’t help anyone. This just puts you both on the defensive.
  5. Remember the other person has feelings on the subject too – I struggle with this a lot. When I get upset I tend to forget that other people may be equally as upset for a different reason, but it is very important to recognize.
  6. LISTEN! When you are sitting there thinking about what you are going to say next, you may miss something important that the other person is saying!
  7. Avoid words like “Always” and “Never” – when you talk in absolutes it doesn’t leave any room for change.
  8. Be aware of mine fields – Both parties may have hot buttons so tread mindfully. You don’t want to set something off that is completely off topic.
  9. Operate with full disclosure – Your partner does not know what is in your head. You have to tell them. If something hurts your feelings, speak up! Plus if you aren’t fully open about how you feel, it WILL come up again in a later fight.
  10. Keep the fight in perspective – Is this something to end a friendship or relationship over?

Old to You, New to ME!

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Now that I am over half way through my 60 day “No Clothes Shopping Challenge”, I have been itching to have the sweet sweet feel of new garbs against my skin.  Glorious cotton, silk, rayon, denim, spandex, mamma misses you! Exaggerating?  Maybe.  However, I have some brilliant friends that helped me find a loop hole.  A Clothing Swap!

Continue reading “Old to You, New to ME!”

Love for Life

I met this incredible woman in the bathroom at my friend’s wedding last weekend.  She complimented me on my dress so of course we became best friends! As we were chatting, she was changing her earrings and seemed rather anxious about making sure she got the new pair on.   She explained to me that she lost her husband two years ago.  The earrings were made from the diamonds from her wedding ring and her mom’s wedding ring (who had also passed away).   For big occasions, she likes to wear them so she feels her loved ones with her.  It moved me. I believe that is what marriage is actually about.  That you love someone so much you want them to be a part of every major thing in your life, even after they are gone.   I am looking forward to the day when I can pledge my love to someone and know it will be for life.  Call me optimistic, but I plan to be that 50% success rate.

Val-Gal-Pal-entine’s Day

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Love: a simple word with astronomical effects on the human spirit.  The number of Valentine’s Day posts about how it was “Single Awareness Day” aka S.A.D., was staggering.  I feel like people have been missing the whole point of the holiday – to celebrate love.  Yes, I know it traditionally celebrates romantic love, but let’s break with tradition shall we?  I got the customary gifts of flowers and chocolates, and not from my mister.

I’ve been in an on again/off again relationship for the past three and a half years, and not ONCE has Valentine’s Day gone as planned.  This year we decided to take the pressure off of it since he had to work and I decided to go out with my girlfriends. GALentine’s Day was in full effect.  These ladies love musicals, theater and art so we found an interactive cabaret experience (booze included) with songs from Les Miserables.  Historically this is a very sad story. I thought it was fitting since our men were at work, but this show was HILARIOUS!  From drunken Inn keepers to a policeman with a ball gag, we were laughing the whole time.  (Check out #notLesMis – for info).

The show really made me think: you can truly change your feelings about history based on your point of view.  So let’s choose happy.  Grab a glass of champagne and toast those that are nearest and dearest to you – whether that’s a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, family member or best friend that you know will answer the phone at 2AM when you’re in a fight with said spouse/boy/girlfriend.  Let’s not miss out on the opportunity to tell them they are loved, because they may really need to hear it.

xoxo –

Suzanne