All or Nothing

photo (17)

So it officially happened.  I hit the dreaded 3.0. and I must say, it wasn’t as terrible as I anticipated.  I only cried twice.  One of which was because I was so overwhelmed by love and gratitude; so I am calling that a win.  I have been writing about trying to keep myself healthy in mind, body and spirit and I filled my day with things that could help with that.  I went on a hike in the morning with my friends, got a mani/pedi (mandatory for birthdays and special occasions), finally went to the LACMA (see I am getting cultural), and then got taken to a beautiful dinner at a Top Chef restaurant.  This one day would have been great enough, but in true Suzanne fashion, I had a packed weekend as well!

That is something I realized about myself.  I don’t do grey very well (you don’t have to worry about my 50 shades any time soon).  I got from zero to 100 in a matter of moments then don’t slow down.  In a few short days, I finished the first section of my real estate school, had the first meetings for a reality show I am creating, shot a short film, zip lined, had two more birthday celebrations, went to a volunteer orientation for a new charity I want to work with, hit the gym, cleaned, grocery shopped, and celebrated another friend who turned thirty as well.  Now, I want a nap.

Now that I’m thirty – wow that’s still hard to say, I want to learn how to balance my life.  I love being busy, it’s good for me, but when I pack so much in I get a little overwhelmed and want to take a huge break and do nothing for awhile.  Unfortunately, this is life and you don’t get any timeouts.  I think that is what 30 will be for me, finding grey.  The all or nothing approach isn’t sustainable for a happy and balanced life.  And that’s really the goal isn’t it?

Xoxo-

Suzanne

Depression or PMS?

photo (14)

Have you ever had one of those days when all you can muster up the energy to do is get to the couch to turn on Netflix and binge watch on your favorite TV series?  That was me yesterday.  It was an all day pajama party with Oreos and my cat.  For some inexplicable reason, I could not make myself do a single productive thing.  I had an amazing weekend filled with art, friends and football.  I even made a dessert dip that looked like the Pinterest picture so I truly didn’t understand why I was so glum.

photo (15)

Then it happened, I started my period.  It was three days early and (being on the pill) I wasn’t anticipating it at all.  I have felt “off” all month and chalked it up to the massive amounts of changes that are going on in my life right now.   Anyone would be stressed or depressed in the same circumstances right?  But was it depression or hormones?  Or do the two go hand in hand?

Last week when I had to go back to the eye doctor, again, he told me I had dry patches on my cornea.  The most common cause: Changes in hormones.  So I started looking even closer at what my body has been doing this past month.  I have been spotting for weeks, again being on the same birth control for years now, this is not normal.  Could this be the cause of my feelings of depression?

Women are shamed when they talk about their hormones and menstrual cycle, but why?  The fact that a woman can conceive and carry a child is incredible.  Every month a woman’s body prepares to start the stages of bringing life into this world.  Our bodies’ work for weeks then in a matter of 5-7 days everything our body has prepared for sheds and it has to start all over again.  Sorry men, but PMS is a very real thing with chemical side effects.

So, what are my next steps?  I am either going to 1. Change birth control 2. Go off birth control, and/or 3. Meet with a hormonal specialist.  This getting older thing really is a challenge.  Why was I in such a rush to grow up?

Xoxo-

Suzanne